The Last Thing She Needed
by Zebrastreifen
Summary: Sometimes you think nothing can make your day even worse. What happens when fate decides to convince you of the contrary? Will you continue wallowing in self-pity, or will you pull yourself together and be there for someone who really needs you? TRIGGER WARNING: NON-EXPLICIT MENTIONS OF RAPE!
1. Chapter 1

_author's note: this will be quite a short story, probably a threeshot. Wanna have a sequel? Let me know ;P  
_

* * *

**Chapter 1: Autopilot**

It was 4:30 am when Addison Montgomery-Shepherd finally reached the parking area. She was barely awake - after having completed her shift, she had almost been sitting in her car when the vibrations of her pager had forced her into the white, desinfected hell of Seattle Grace Hospital again. Seven hours and the death of the preemie who's life she had been fighting for all night later, Addison was on autopilot. It was always hard to compartmentalize death, and although she knew she was good at her job - not only good, but the best! - she could feel tingles of fear and self-doubt up her spine. Returning to an empty apartment would not make things better, but Addison didn't have another place to return to.

She had given up her life in Manhattan because she had wanted to start a new one in Seattle - a new life, a new beginning with Derek, but things hadn't worked off the way she had imagined everything - did they ever? Yeah, he hadn't signed the divorce papers, and obviously this whateverthishadevenbeen-relationship with Meredith was over, but nevertheless, Addison was not going to spend the night with him in his trailer, but in the empty, uncomfortable apartment she refused to call "home".

Addison sighed. At least she would have the opportunity to sleep without having to fight for space or her blanket! She forced herself to make the best of it, but deep inside, she knew she would trade more than only a bed cover for the feeling of being loved or even accepted - not only as a neonatal surgeon but also as a person.

In nights like this one, where she had lost her tiny patient and was about to return to a place nobody was waiting for her, both seemed too far away...

Speaking of being far away: Obviously Addison was not on autopilot at all! Autopilot means just switching your emotions off and getting were you wanted to get even without thinking. Considering the fact that the car she had been walking to did not only turn out to have the wrong color, but also to be the wrong model, she was obviously on anti-autopilot - just incredibly tired and depressed, too lost in her thoughts to notice where she was even going.

Sighing again, she pressed the small button on her flip key, hoping to see the light signal of her _real_ car nearby. Finding out she had been walking into the wrong direction seemed to be the last thing she needed that night...

But as if the past hours hadn't been enough yet, reality somehow felt the need to show her what this last thing needed really was...


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith Grey.

The parking area was well-lighted, but Addison was certain she would have recognized the other woman in the dim light of dawn, too.

Even though Derek had broken up with Meredith, Addison knew her husband was still in love with her, and that hurt. It hurt, because she knew it was her own fault. If she hadn't cheated on him, Derek would have never left Manhattan, would have never left _her_, would have never fallen in love with that young, beautiful interne that happened to be the daughter of the most famous and brilliant surgeon ever...

Yeah, sometimes reality just sucked!

At least her own car turned out to be only a few more feet away. She just needed to pass Meredith's and keep on walking for a few more feet...

Seeing Meredith had made her shitty night even worse, but Addison could sense that there was still more to happen, and she was right.

At first sight, she had thought Grey was kneeling next to her car because she had accidently dropped the key or anything else, but with every step she made in Grey's direction, her assumption became increasingly unlikely.

Now being only ten feet away, Addison could see Meredith was not kneeling on the ground but lying in fetal position, her legs closely pulled into her shaking body. She was crying, and Addison was certain this was neither a place nor a pose to cry in because you have been left by your boyfriend... Something was seriously wrong!

"Grey? Can you hear me?" the She-Shepherd asked, heading towards the interne and crouching down next to her. The blonde didn't react. Was she in pain? What had happened? "Grey? Are you hurt? Please look at me!" Addison cautiously touched the younger woman's shoulder, trying to make her look at her, but the touch only made Meredith cringe. "DON'T!" she shrieked, now trembling even more.

Their eyes met for a brief moment, and the look in Meredith's eyes revealed more fear, pain and shame anyone could ever handle. At this very moment, Addison Montgomery-Shepherd _knew_ what had happened. She didn't have to look down at Meredith's wrists to know they were just as bruised as her face, and Addison didn't dare to imagine what other parts of her fine-boned body looked like.

She sighed, not knowing what to say; how to react. She knew she was probably the last person Meredith wanted to be found by after... what had happened, but she couldn't just leave now!

*_Dammit!_* Addison was unable to think straight. This was just too much! She was exhausted and still struggling with her own problems! It wasn't fair!

_*Your life is not fair? Damn, look at Grey!* _She scolded herself for being so selfish. Lack of sleep and personal failure were definitely taking a toll on her, but no matter how shitty her day had been, Meredith's was clearly worse. She deserved help. Help of someone Meredith trusted.

"Do you want me to go get someone? Yang...?" Meredith shook her head. "I-I- I don't want anyone to know! J-just leave!" Addison sighed. "I won't just leave now, Grey!" She hesitated. "Please let me help you!" "How do you want to help me?" Meredith snorted, and Addison had to admit she had a point. How was she supposed to help her? Dammit, she was a doctor! It was her job to help people, to _save_ them, but could she ever? Why was it always too late?

_*Doctor! That's it! I am a doctor. I could at least try to repair the physical damage!*_

"Please let me at least examine you, Grey! We're in front of a hospital!" She shook her head again. "I... I can't get in there! Not... like this!" Even though she didn't want to admit it, Addison knew the blonde was right. This hospital was like a giant sponge, greedily absorbing any kind of drama. They wouldn't even manage to enter the building without anyone noticing, to say nothing of finding an available examination room. Someone would definitely see them, and as soon as the first one screamed "Oh my god Meredith! What happened?" they'd be surrounded by the whole staff. Even though they had only heard about Derek breaking up with Meredith, the gossip had lasted for weeks! Addison didn't want to imagine what would happen if everyone _saw_ her like this!

"What about Mercy West?" she suggested, but Meredith didn't like this idea, either. "NO HOSPITALS!" "... so where do you want to go?" she asked. Meredith shrugged. "I can't go home. Izzie and George will..." "I understand. So no hospitals, but not home either..." Addison sighed. "Come with me. You can't just stay here...!"

This was just crazy! Had she really just invited an immensely broken Meredith Grey to stay at her place? Not only Addison seemed to question this offer.

"What about Der... Dr Shepherd?" Meredith asked. "I can't..."

"He... We don't live together and..." she gulped, "He's not there."

Silence.

"I won't force you to do anything you don't..." Addison started, but quickly interrupted herself. This was probably the stupidest thing to tell somebody who had just been raped! Meredith compressed her lips and started crying again - silent, this time, but somehow much more pathetic than before.

"I'm sorry, Grey. I'm so sorry!" Both of them knew Addison was not only referring to what she had just said. Meredith shirked from her look, trying to hide away her tears, her face, herself.

Meredith was broken and needed someone to repair the damage, to stick her together again. Period! There was no room for jealousies and triangle relationships.

"Look at me. Please!" Addison's voice was soft and caring. Slowly, the interne raised her eyes to the red-haired woman who continued as soon as their eyes met: "I will not hurt you, Meredith, and I won't allow anyone else to, either. Please trust me." She hesitated, unsure whether it was still too early or not, but then decided that getting her away from here was much more important than everything that had happened between the two of them so far.

"Let me help you to get up, okay? My car is over there."

Meredith nodded, and Addison sighed with relief.

* * *

The sun had almost risen when they finally reached Addison's place, but both of them knew there was still too much darkness to conquer...


	3. Chapter 3

By the time they reached Addison's apartment, Meredith had turned even paler than she had been before. The blonde was too damaged to think about the effects of crossing the doorstep, but she knew she wouldn't like anything that followed. The only thing she could think of was taking a couple of showers and then curling up into a ball, hiding under several layers of blankets, building a fort to protect her from whatever was yet to come. She forced herself not to think about anything else, knowing she could neither handle thoughts about what had just happened nor about anything further in the future than her fort-building.

The problem was Addison seemed to have other plans...

As soon as they had entered the only halfway furnished apartment, she started asking questions - Was she sure she wanted to stay here? Was she sure she didn't want any treatment? Was she aware of the fact that the chances of finding usable evidence that could help to catch the bastard who had done this to her were increasing by any move she made, any shower she took ( - or any second she spent standing in the hall of her ex-boyfriend's wife waiting to wake up from this nightmare, both of them were thinking, but no one said it out loud).

"I can't do this." Meredith finally whispered, still standing in the hallway.

Addison sighed. "What do you mean?"

"... everything..."

"Yes you can, Meredith! You will get through this."

Mere didn't answer. Instead, she stared towards the floor, avoiding Addison's gaze, avoiding the pitiful look in the other woman's eyes.

"I... I know I am probably the last person on Earth you'd want to share this with, but please..." She didn't have to finish her sentence. Meredith knew she wanted some answers. Some of them would be of the kind a doctor usually asked, whereas others were probably rather the kind of questions a _friend _would ask... Yeah, there was something in her eyes Meredith could not handle. Addison cared - and she didn't only care out of a sense of obligation. She didn't only care because she was a doctor. She cared the same way Cristina, or Izzie or George would have cared - and that was actually quite cute. The only problem was that it made Meredith feel obligated to let her in. To tell her. Everything!

Wasn't that exactly what she had wanted to avoid?

Wasn't that the reason why she had agreed on staying with Addison tonight?

Meredith hadn't even noticed she had started shaking again until Addison gently placed her hand into her own and started shushing, before she whispered an apology.

Speaking up now, she added: "I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it is _your _body, Grey, _your _life. _You_ decide. I just want you to know that... I'm here for you... okay?"

Meredith slightly nodded, still unable to look Addison in the eyes.

"Is there anything I can do right now?"

"Just... let me t-take a shower, okay?"

Addison didn't repeat what she had said before about preserving evidence. Meredith was a doctor herself. She _knew_ that, and Addison had made sure she also _remembered_ it. Who was she to deny Meredith what she obviously needed right now, what could make her feel at least a little less disgusting, a little less broken?

"There are towels and some sweat-pants and T-shirts in the cardboard moving box over there. Help yourself. I'll wait for you in the living room - okay?" Meredith nodded again, then disappeared.

Although the night was regularly over, it had not even begun yet...


	4. Chapter 4

It was almost an hour later when Addison finally heard the bathroom door being opened. She had decided to wait for Grey in the living room, not wanting to put any more pressure on the blonde by standing right in front of the bathroom door.

Hesitatingly, Meredith entered the room, unable to look at the other woman. She had been wordlessly standing in the middle of the half-furnished room for quite some time, when Addison finally got off the armchair, realizing Grey wouldn't go any further on her own accord.

"You are safe here, Grey", she whispered, guiding the interne towards the couch. Noticing she was shivering badly, Addison handed her a thick blanket Meredith immediately wrapped herself in, although both of them knew the shivering was not caused by coldness.

Meredith was hiding.

Hiding in the huge sweatshirt and sweatpants she had borrowed, hiding behind the woolen defensive wall she had just been given, and most of all hiding from what had happened and from what was still about to come.

Addison, who had sat down on the sofa herself, couldn't help but stare at Meredith. She was broken, severely broken, and Addison had no idea how to fix her. How to help her. How to treat her.

Should she just give her some time of her own, or should she stay with her, proving she was not alone? What was the right thing to do? _Was_ there even a _right thing_ to do, or was everything just wrong?

Dammit! She was a doctor! It was her job to fix things, and _theoretically_, she knew how to fix this. She knew the official procedures, knew how to do a rape-kit, knew how to examine someone _carefully_, knew how important it was to make her feel safe.

The problem was that being a _doctor _didn't get her anywhere as long as Meredith didn't want to be a _patient_! And somehow, although she was obviously hurting, a _doctor_ wasn't what Meredith needed the most right now. Instead, she needed someone who was more than only one of many patients to, needed someone who cared, someone who would hold her all night, whispering into her ear that she'd be fine again, someone... someone Addison was not sure she could be for her...

* * *

It was when Meredith's sobs became so loud that it was impossible not to hear them, impossible to sit next to her thinking instead of doing something, when Addison Montgomery-Shepherd realized that she didn't have a choice. Someone had to pick up the pieces and hold together what was left, because obviously Meredith couldn't repair the damage on her own. She was sitting there hunched up, her legs pulled to her body and encompassed with her arms, falling apart.

Addison couldn't just watch, couldn't let this happen!

With her head resting on her knees, Meredith couldn't see the other woman approaching her, and flinched, when Addison gently touched her arm.

"I'm not going to hurt you", Addison whispered, slightly squeezing the younger woman's hand. Meredith nodded, not knowing what to respond. But somehow, she believed her...


End file.
